Fall: Love it, Hate it, Maybe Both?

Happy almost October everyone! In places where seasons actually exist, leaves are beginning to change colors and the cold air starts coming in. But I live in Arizona so it will be 100 until November. Anyways, fall is always a fantastic time of the year and I love it. But, in some ways, I hate it as well. Let me tell you why.

Since I grew up on an island, I didn’t have seasons. I think 70 is cold. So my first fall and winter in Arizona was freezing for me but it was great. I got to be in a place where I could wear fall fashion. I love bundling up in sweaters and boots and scarves and beanies. I LOVE it. It is one of the things I look forward to in the year. You can drink hot coffee outside and not feeling like your entire body is about to burn up. You can actually go outside in the day. The temperature in the mini Fall we have in Arizona is pure bliss. And fall activities start. Pumpkin patches, hay rides, and Halloween festivities. Now, I’ll be honest. I don’t really do any of these things other than maybe Halloween but I would love to. This is one of the best times of the year to go out and do things outside. Embrace the falling leaves and make memories out of it. And we gear up for the trifecta of the holidays: Halloween, Thanksgiving and December. I say December because Christmas basically owns majority of the month and the world but there are other holidays that people celebrate in December that are not Christmas. So, like most people, I like the holidays. Halloween and Thanksgiving are alright, but Christmas is my jam. I will begin celebrating Christmas the day after Thanksgiving. I love the feeling of Christmas. Decorations, and magic and such. It’s cheesy but it just fills me with joy and allows me to reflect on the blessings in my life.

BUT, Fall can be a scary time for me. Like most people who have depression, it can get worse when the weather is not so good. As it gets darker and colder, my depression just rises within me. Nothing even has to happy really. If my house is dark because there is not as much natural light, I just feel down. The same thing happens when it rains. I know that this isn’t just me and mental health disorders seem to have low points in the winter. However, I still can’t shake it unfortunately. So as fall is beginning, I know that there is a strong possibility that it will be a rough few months for me. I now have to mentally prepare myself because as much as I would love to be out doing things, there are definitely going to be times where I just can’t go out. I have to accept that as a part of my life for now. I’m in a better place now than I have been in the past years so I’m hoping that it isn’t too bad but again, I can never predict it. Also, as much as I love the holidays, it is one of the most stressful times of the year. People are crazy stressed and can reveal the worst of themselves during this time. As someone who has an anxiety disorder, this basically is my worst nightmare. Everything is crowded and people can be rude. It makes my chest hurt just thinking about it. Because of this, I try not to go to big events during the holidays so as to protect myself and my health. Having a panic attack in public is absolutely terrifying so I will do what I need to so I won’t, including staying home. Also, I have a lot of added pressures about Christmas gifts and decorations and dinners and parties and whatever else happens to me personally during this season. Now, I have written previously on the troubles of being alone on holidays but these ones are definitely the worst. The happiest times of year where you are supposed to be with family and friends are ones I spend alone eating ice cream out of the tub. It is not fun but it is my reality at the moment. So knowing that anxiety and depression are about to increase exponentially makes me wary of the upcoming season.

So yeah. I might be conflicted about Fall. It is one of the greatest seasons but it can also be one of my toughest. Let me know your thoughts on Fall and if the weather affects your mood as well. Oh, I hate pretty much everything pumpkin.

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