Hi Again. I know it’s been quite a bit of time. Let me catch you up on what’s been going on in my life over the past few weeks.
The holidays are a pretty crazy and stressful time of the year. Everywhere you look, people are stressed out even when though its the “happiest time of year”. My anxiety goes up because I know that throughout my day, I have to interact with people who are not always the friendliest at this time. I push through to be keep my composure but it is still hard. I have to keep all of my frustrations and worries and stress inside of me until it begins to eat away at who I am. Then it’s the beginning of the year and there are a lot of new things to do and pressures put on in many different aspects of my life. It’s a new year at work and changes are being made that I have to adjust to. I am in my last semester of graduate school meaning I have a large research project coming up this year. I also am getting ready to move on from my current role in a few months meaning I have to find a new job pretty soon. I’m starting to think about where I want to live and finances and the process of applying and interviewing for jobs again. On top of this, I am balancing my regular life. I have made a commitment to myself to do things that make me happier but it still is a lot for me to do in my life. It’s overwhelming and scary for me.
But it’s a new year
For me, the beginning of a new year allows me to take time to reflect on the previous. What was my year really like to me, not what others thought of it or anything. I have to be real with myself. Now here’s the thing. My life has been mostly based on what I didn’t do and my failures. Those are things I remember. So this year, I recognized that there were things that I wanted to do but just couldn’t make happen this last year. But, there were also amazing things that I did and goals I am proud of. I went to London which was an incredible adventure. I’ve been at my job for a year now. And something I’m proud of, I floss every night. Yeah it may sound stupid but I have never been a regular flosser but I realized that I needed to be. So I told myself to do it every day and I have. It’s something small but that is a win for me. I said I was going to do something, and I did it.
I know that life is unpredictable and there are so many things that I can not control. This is a realization I know and understand. It isn’t easy for me to let go and not have control of my life. But this year is about trust and faith. I have faith in myself to know everything will be fine in the end. I know that my future is uncertain but I believe in whatever path I decide to choose when the time comes. Trust is far from easy for me and blind trust even more so. But I trust myself. I know days are going to be hard dealing with not having control. There are days where I’m going to struggle a lot and others where not so much. 2019 is about me letting go and understanding that years from now, I’m going to be okay. I just need to continue being myself, doing things that make me happy and life will all work out in the end. I’m not going to sit here and say 2019 is going to be a great year for me or a bad year for me because the truth is, I don’t know. And that’s okay.