I’m an island girl but I can’t stand the water

Yeah, I was born in Hawaii, and grew up basically in the Pacific Ocean. But guess what. I don’t like the water. Yes, you read that right. I’m not a fan of the water. Now, you might be thinking how can this be? Well let me tell you the story. So I basically grew up on the water. I lived on an island for the first 18 years of my life, so that water was pretty much all I knew. Every holiday, special occasion, and almost any other important event in life happened at the beach. So, I was there constantly. I didn’t know anything else. So as I grew older, I started the crave something else. I wanted something new and different. Now, everyone else who was moving to the island wanted to spend every single day at the beach because it was their new. So when all of my friends wanted to go the beach and boating and everything else related to the water, I was not into it. I didn’t like the sand, the way I felt after being in the ocean, and I get incredibly seasick. So, this was the moment that I began to isolate myself from a lot of the people in my high school. I would still go to the beach, but usually at night where I didn’t have to worry about sun burn and being tired and going in the water. However, I didn’t go to the beach often. I also did not like a lot of the creatures in the water. Not my favorite thing in the world to worry about jellyfish, sharks, and other water animals while I’m trying to enjoy my life. Don’t get me wrong, I love admiring ocean creatures from afar, but not always up close. I had to do a night swim for class once and I almost had a panic attack.

Around this time in my life, I was also dealing with my depression. I was self conscious about my body and didn’t want to be seen wearing a bathing suit all the time. My friends loved tanning, which just wasn’t my thing. I got bored easily and hot. It just wasn’t for me. So the more they went out to do things on the water, I stayed at home, where I was safe. Any time my friends went a boating trip, they begged me to come with but I just could not bring myself to go. I knew that I would be miserable the entire time because I would be sick and bored. Without even knowing it, I was being the miserable one already since I wouldn’t do anything. And that was the curse about living on an island. I couldn’t escape the water anywhere I went.

Then, I went to college in the desert. I was ecstatic to be in a place without water. But the more I was away, the more I began to crave being near the water again. When I went home for Christmas, I loved being able to look at the water again. It felt amazing to be somewhere that I knew so well. But it was short lived. I could do it for a few days but then, I got tired of it again. It was this vicious cycle that I would go through every time I went home or to Hawaii. I like it from a far but not close up. I love the idea of the ocean and my heart and soul belongs in a place where I can see the water. However, the reality of it still does not excite me as it should. So yeah, that’s me. You’ll probably see me sitting on a bench near the water when it begins to get dark, but probably not anywhere near the water during the day. It’s weird isn’t it. I’m still trying to figure out what’s wrong with me lol.

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