I am in an interesting place right now. I feel like I am stuck, especially in writing. I haven’t been able to write lately and I’m not sure exactly why. I have been on this journey with this blog for a few months now but I have been using writing for an outlet for my mental health, feelings and pretty much anything I want to get out of my head. So for the past few weeks, I have not known what to write. And its extremely frustrating because everything is stuck in my head and I don’t know how to get it out. Words aren’t coming to me and I don’t know what to write about. I don’t know what to write about or what I can put out there in the world that would make it better. I’m just uninspired.
Here’s the thing. I still struggle with anxiety and depression every day. I know that and that is what I write about. However, I know that I have written about the same things that I am currently dealing with so I don’t want to continue writing about the same things over and over again. I am also dealing with a lot of personal issues in my life for the past few months which I don’t feel comfortable writing about at the moment. So now, I don’t know what to write and when I sit down at my computer, I just stare at the screen for 10 minutes as my mind is just blank. I started this blog so I can talk about the things I am dealing with in my life and to have a journal of my journey into adulthood and managing my mental health. Unfortunately, my journey is at a standstill which happens. Life is filled with ups and downs, but also pauses. My life just happens to be at a pause for the past few months, ever since I have returned from London. Which makes sense. I spent 2 weeks in an amazing country and city, experiencing life and loving it. Now, I’m back in Phoenix, going through the same routine that I have been for the past 2 months. I go to work, go home, watch TV, and go to bed. It’s the same routine, which I like having a routine but it seems like my life is getting monotonous. I started this year with the intention that I was going to live more and get out and experience the world but I’ve trapped myself in this bubble and I am having difficulty getting out. I want to go out and do things but something always holds me back. The world can be a scary place for someone with mental health issues and I know I would be safer if I just stayed home. It’s extremely hard for me to go outside when I know I don’t have to, even if to go to the store because it breaks my routine and gives me anxiety. I do not like driving and interacting with people makes me uncomfortable on weekends. The weekends are my time to relax from work and lately, it means cutting myself off from as much human interaction as possible.But now, it’s getting to a point where I’m not living, I’m just existing.
I hope as I get back into the school year that I can begin living again, not that I was doing much before, but getting out there. I want to live so that I can have things to write about and remember when I look back. Hopefully, AZ will cool down so I can do so but here’s to making a change. If you are dealing with anxiety, depression, or mental health problems and want to hear how I deal with certain things, let me know so I can create posts that can potentially help people! So I will keep you posted on how this goes!