Depression, Anxiety and Rejection. It sucks every time.

Rejection. We all deal with it at some point in our lives. Some more than others. For myself, I have chosen a life where I push myself to be the best I can be and be on the top. However, sometimes life decides that I’m not ready to move on up. Actually, life doesn’t want me to that most of the time. I have been told no so many times in jobs, relationships, school and life in general. Now, everyone’s always told you just have to get used to rejection because it is a part of life. You will never get everything you want. Here’s the thing. I have depression and anxiety. I can used to rejection but that doesn’t mean it isn’t going to hurt every single time that I hear it.

Now, I have changed my career path largely due to rejection. I knew that grad school for forensic anthropology was going to be incredibly hard to get in to. But I didn’t get in to any of the schools I applied to and I was absolutely devastated. I didn’t know what to do with my life. Now, a lot of people encouraged me to take a year, work on my applications, and apply again for the next year. I thought about it but I knew that there was a probable chance that I would get rejected again and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to deal with that again. I don’t regret that I went to grad school in a different field but this is mostly because I couldn’t deal with the rejection. Now, I still deal with rejection in this field. I was extremely grateful that I was accepted into my program or else I would be in a not so good place. Most people in my program work at the university to subsidize their costs for school. I applied to many different jobs at the university that I felt I would do really good at. However, I didn’t get even an interview for any of them. And that sucked because I now had to find another job to help pay for school, rent and other expenses. I got a mediocre job and I wasn’t happy. There was a chance for me to work up in other positions at that job as well but got rejected for those too. I was miserable because even in a entry level job, I couldn’t advance even though I have two bachelor’s degrees. Thankfully, after about 6 months of being told no, I got that yes that I needed. I have been in my current role for about 8 months now and it is great. But even though I have been established in this role, I still get rejected for promotions. You would think that I would have been used to this by now but it still hurts. It hurts when you think you would do really well at something, and your co-workers don’t think you are ready. Now, I know that I am very young and have a lot to learn. My mind knows that it is okay and I really wasn’t ready to move up. However, my feelings and depression hit and overcome the logic. It makes me feel that all I am going to face in life is rejection because I am not good enough. There is a lot that goes into that but constantly being rejected can reinforce that thought that I won’t achieve anything in my life past entry level. It is really hard to deal with and I even took a day off after being told I didn’t get the promotion so I didn’t have see my co-workers while I was processing all of it.

I also have seen much rejection within my personal life. Having anxiety and depression is difficult enough for dating but adding a lot of rejection on top of that can be torture. I don’t have the most self confidence but getting ghosted and being rejected pushes it basically underground. I know that I’m not terrible looking and have a okay personality but being rejected by men can make me feel so small. Which is absolutely terrible and shows how much other people can impact how you feel about yourself. This is something I have been working on but as with my anxiety and depression, it is a long journey I have to take. I haven’t been in an actual relationship for a long time and there is a reason for that. It’s not like I haven’t tried. I have and it never ends well or I get rejected right off the bat. Sometimes I can just shrug it off but sometimes I will stay awake at night thinking about what men have said to me. I hate it but I can’t stop myself. I have cut myself out of the dating world so I don’t have to deal with rejection. I know this isn’t the healthiest solution but maybe taking time away from trying will help my self confidence.

I know that I will never escape rejection. It is a part of life that is interwoven into our daily lives. Life is hard and I know that. Nothing worth while is going to be handed to you. But just because you get used to hearing no all of the time doesn’t mean that it hurts any less. So if you need to take some time to yourself to deal with rejection, do it and don’t let anyone tell you that you are being a baby. We all deal with life differently and people with mental health disorders see life in a different view than someone without. Don’t be ashamed of being hurt. Rejection sucks no matter how many times you hear it. And you can be upset about it.

One thought on “Depression, Anxiety and Rejection. It sucks every time.

  1. driftyness says:

    I feel you! Rejection is such a hard pill to swallow, and too much of it at one time really hurts. I love that even though you’ve experienced this pain, you continued to try. And I love that you know your limits enough to be aware when you need to take a break. I honestly think that some of the most successful people in life are also some of the most tenacious, so I have confidence that you will go far. Keep getting back up!

    Liked by 1 person

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