Rain, Rain Go Away You’re Giving Me Anxiety

The rain. It brings peace and comfort to so many people. Knowing that you can just cuddle up inside and watch from the window as the world cries down. But not me. I absolutely am terrified of rain and everything that comes along with it. Now, I can’t exactly remember when this all started but as a child, I loved playing in the rain. Out at home in the islands, there wasn’t ever a huge fear of getting hit by lightning or anything because it isn’t how it works out there. I think I had seen lightning strike down on land maybe once in my 18 years out there. We had hurricanes sometimes but again, nothing I ever worried about. We had one tsunami warning that gave me anxiety but it actually had no impact. Then, I went to college. My second night in my dorm room, there was a huge thunderstorm. In Arizona, we call it monsoon season. Luckily, this one didn’t have a dust storm along with it. There was really bad rain, thunder and lightning so much so that it woke me up. I looked out the window and realized what was going on outside. I was alone. I was scared because it could potentially harm me if I went outside. I know it is rare but it is possible. Every time since that there has been a severe thunderstorm, I am absolutely terrified. Thunder can come at any time and be very loud if the lightning is close. I don’t like not knowing when something is coming or how it might affect me. I have severe anxiety around it now that it has caused a lot of stress in my life. I was heading on a organization retreat to Prescott, AZ and we were in a bus in a huge pouring rainstorm. I don’t do well on long drives normally, but adding the rain element put me over the edge. I moved to the back of the bus, away from everyone else, so I could throw up in peace and try to calm my anxiety down. Unfortunately, it didn’t work and I had problems the rest of the trip, including a small incident of rage. I never understood how much rainstorms could impact my mood, mental state, and future interactions.

This comes up because Arizona has had its first round of monsoons for this season. The first one we had wasn’t too bad. It missed most of the area where I was. However, the next one. Well let me start with this. It was the first day I was driving by myself. I don’t like driving in the first place so it was a tense time for me. Then about an hour before I usually head home, I hear that lovely alert on my phone saying there was a dust storm heading my way. First off, haboobs in AZ are like walls of dirt that engulf entire towns. So I was absolutely terrified. Then I realized that I wasn’t going to get hit by the dirt, but rather the rain. I walked towards a window in my building and it was just dark. Rain was just barreling down, lightning and thunder out in full force. Later, I learned that there was hail in some areas of the valley.  I was done. I was over and out. I was literally figuring out where I could sleep at work. It went like this for about an hour until 5 o’clock. Now I spent the last hour at work just in panic mode. I knew I needed to get home, but didn’t think I would be able to do it. I started calling everyone freaking out, couldn’t get a hold of my parents or friends nearby. There was a slight break in the rain and I had to go. I ran to my car, got in and try to calm down and plan out what I was going to be doing. I spent a good 5 minutes just trying to figure out which windshield setting I should be using. Long story short, I got home, almost got stuck in a puddle and went super slow, but I did it. I got home and turned off all my lights, crawled into bed and continued to panic for about another hour until the rain had completely stopped.

I can’t quite understand what people find so peaceful about rain. To me, rain brings disaster, winds, hail, thunder lightning, and so much more. It is a dangerous thing, chaos that the Earth can bring. So basically all I’m trying to say is that I’m like a baby puppy when it comes to rain. So please just let me sit in bed and cry during rain instead of making me go outside. It’s better for all of us.

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